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       ersonally, I never knew what my purpose was.  I would ask myself why I was here, what my role on earth was, why am I so different to others.  I couldn't relate to a lot of what I saw.  

 

Growing up I always felt an outsider.  It was particularly difficult at school.  I felt like I didn't fit.  I would daydream a lot, get scolded for not concentrating at school and for being too loud, too distracted. I never understood (and I still don't) understand jealousy and would take any form of criticism as monumental failure.  I would constantly say the wrong thing at the wrong time and then beat myself up afterwards as the feelings of guilt escalated. I grew up with terrible anxiety and self doubt, even though I came across as being super confident, I was far from it.  What I didn't know (until the age of 44) that I was ADHD.  That, coupled with childhood trauma, meant that I was constantly in fight or flight mode.  I would overthink every situation, I would over analyse every conversation.  By the time I was 22 I was mentally exhausted.  The anxiety led to panic attacks, depression and a mental breakdown.  I moved countries, got divorced and started afresh.  

 

What I didn't know was that this new journey I had undertaken would have many bumps in the road, sometimes even a pothole or two, high mountains to climb, a fair bit of life abseiling and some nail biting free solo rock climbing to boot.  And my journey isn't over yet.  I also know that I will have more of the afore-mentioned life adventures.  What makes it different now?  I have reached a point in my life where I know all those bumps in the road led to stronger legs to carry me.  The potholes meant I could navigate around difficult situations instead of ploughing through them.  The high mountains that I will have to climb will have the most incredible views once I've reached them.  I can leap into new adventures, life abseiling without fear and trepidation and my nail biting rock climbing will be replaced with mindful focus.

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Everyone has their adversities in life.  This journey we all undertake is never smooth sailing, nor is it always easily recognisable when someone else is facing pain, suffering or difficulties.  All I can relate to is my own adversities and the recompense would be to motivate and encourage others to make subtle changes towards a happier, contented self whilst saving our beautiful planet for generations to come.  There is no Planet B. 

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